I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
