He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
