Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
