i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
