How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
