It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you win again, gameday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
