Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
