Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
