in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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