So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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