so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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