just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
