Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
