No awkward lesbian experiences without me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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