my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just high enough for therapy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
