i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
