this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
