Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
