My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
