I think I died a long time ago.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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