And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My vagina just clenched in fear
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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