so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
