i barfeds in our rink
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize