Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
