He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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