i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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