He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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