I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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