your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
