i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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