the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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