so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
