i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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