Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize