Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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