oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
