it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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