Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
