I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
