What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
