Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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