Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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