I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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