I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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