im six kinds of drunk right now
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
false alarm. still invincible.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
