they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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