i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
