Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let's get the cat blown out
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
