Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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