I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
