How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
