So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
