ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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