my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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