i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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