Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
