after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
