he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
