You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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