Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Damn victory sex feels great
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