I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
