You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
