I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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