Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
