does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
