90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
