Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
