if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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