even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
