Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
