I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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