Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
