Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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