he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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