That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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