these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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