ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
