then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
