help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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