I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
