Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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