i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize