Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
