Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Randomize
