you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
