Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
