I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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