he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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