Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
