Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
